To let go and just experience.

November 2006

The Yoga Intensive was one of the most remarkable weeks of my life. To witness and be part of the transformation of so many beautiful people, knowing that it is only the beginning.




It started with very strange dreams , perhaps due to the "lucid dreamers"  that were with us.

The black goblin tried to jump in people's mouths and posess them, which I somehow figured I had a role in. I wasn't sure whether it was going to jump into my mouth or I was the one to stop it.

Graduation day: 3 Huge Monumental  buildings would fall unexpectedly to even the leader. This would be a huge shock to everyone and would be followed by the rising of the something which had caused it. I realised it might be too big a task to face alone.


In February during the first few nights at Kalani, I dreamt of Vampires, that a someone special would protect me from them. This dream repeated itself to me, only this time it was clearer in my dream that i might become the protector.



So while we are busy searching, we fail to realise that we don't need to find what we already have within us. Maybe we are trying to connect once more with the connection we once had. When all is one and everything is nothing.

So we learn to turn away from the destraction of searching and do nothing, to enable us to sit and connect with everything. So then what if we are not searching, will everything then find us... only in peace, only in pure love and only in absolute contentment.



So what of love?

To except a connection of two energies, a simple meeting of two souls. A joining or union of both. To except it for what it is with gratitude for having the ability to give and share. To offer yourself wholefully and truly with no intention or need of belonging and to experience that blissful connection that then becomes a part of who you are. That connection to the whole once again..



I am learning of the beauty of touch. The power of healing a hand can hold. The mystical motion of holding someone close . In a place such as this where all these things seem so natural and pure. I hope to take these experiences with me and never forget what they mean to me. I know that this may sometimes prove difficult, but I also know that my desire is to share and give to so many more.

***

A rush of energy. A flood of bright white light. Tingles of energy up the spine, around the cheeks and in particular the forehead and crown.

Waves of energy. Transference of the body. To be in space with the stars. To be in the centre of the room. To be sometimes outside floating alone.

But also never alone, connected with the universe, surrounded by love and energy.

I laughed so hard. So much that there was no air in there. Laughing because I understood. I knew what was out there. I experienced and felt for a brief moment what I had been looking for. .. Laughter being my relief and laughing to know that it was safe. We are all protected by the life force within and eternal.

To experience such joy, such energy and once more such completeness. Now I know what it is.

The higher consciousness. The energy within each of us and all of life. The energy, matter and light that truly exists without perception.

To let go and just experience. To allow the physical body to relax, the mind to focus and the energy to flow. To smile so hard and feel love warm my heart allowing it to connect with the vast universal energy, suspended consciousness once again.

***

Help us to see without judgement,
listen without prejudice.
To except all with open arms
Those who grace us with their presence.
Just as we walk along the pathway, alone
also must we walk, together
For only through interaction and understanding of others
Will we truly realise the beauty in all.


***

Like a tiny light we shine.
Like a simple star alone in the vast universal sky.

A string of light has greater beauty.
A thousand stars silence the world.

Connected and rooted to a source of energy.
Join together and shine as one to illuminate the world,
spreading beauty and light to all who see.


***

To sit and feel so connected with all. To feel at last that thoughts are becoming clearer. Departing from a place of such beauty and kindness. Where everyone cares without motive and expresses freedom for pure existence in the present moment. Taking with me this knowledge. Through insights I have begun to realise, the importance for us to re connect with the true self. Knowing that it will remain within until I return again soon.



Unsure of my role in all of this, I make my way to where I began this journey. Unsure once again as to why I cannot give everything up just yet to gain so much more. But the time will be right when it is. There feels so much yet to do. So many people to touch, reach out and connect. So much more knowledge to explore, places to experience and people to share these with. A gift from the heart. I am beginning now to receive with growing gratitude, allowing me to feel free from doubt and helping me to be the great person I know I will become.



Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our depest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

A Return To Love:
Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Harper Collins. 1992. (Chapter7, Section3)


For more details of The Yoga Intensive Programme.

I would like to thank all the teachers:

Darren Main
Michael Watson
Christopher Love

and all the staff and friends at Kalani.