The answers are always clear in the knowledge of nothing........
February 2007

One long beautiful constant sundown....

Eight hours of colour, sandwiched between consciousness. Suspended in the setting of the energy of all things. Floating past in a time continuum.

This is the start of a connection that I know is what I desire at this time....

To create time and physical space, a container for spiritual enlightenment.

So easy to find distractions and allow yoga to become a chore, but the real chore is the distraction.

Our happiness and enlightenment dwells in our commitment and patience to our spiritual practice.

So many beautiful people to share an experience that which will alter my existence and change my life.

To learn and grow. To at last realise that each and every one of us are teachers and similarly are all one.

To learn and grow. To give and to receive in equal measure. To find balance in ourselves, our energy whilst becoming one with the universal life force.

To find confidence in helping and guiding others.

To feel at peace and to give selflessly with the hope that others will also receive with open hearts and minds.

Generating beauty and becoming forces of goodness in the somewhat chaos we have created for ourselves in this reality....

A sudden confused feeling of helplessness, for what feels like love, now feels like a game.

Realisation that my foolishness to attachment may lead to feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. To be absorbed in love and to try so hard not to become part of a war between the two poles of heart and mind, does not feel right.

Sometimes to allow yourself not to play can hurt and take away a sense of what could be so beautiful.

But what is it to wait patiently?

To meditate on Death....

If reality disappears then what happens?

To walk a journey to seek a sign. Encountering several symbols of hope along the way.
* An archway of the most beautiful flowers, in a setting most like paradise..

* Two strangers become friends when water is all I desired.

* To sit and be annoyed by flies, but when my eyes opened I could see that they were butterflies.

* To be accompanied by two of the most handsome black labradors guiding the way back safely along the sun bleached sands.

* A final swim in the playful waves...

To push me under, but allow me to breathe, just enough....

So does this answer my reason for living?

To experience every sense?
Each being a distraction from the true self.

The mind works hard at keeping our senses stimulated!

Perhaps butterflies, like death, a cocoon, a holding place for the next re-birthing?

Perhaps what we sometimes mistake for flies are really beauty in disguise, if only we open our eyes enough to see.

Maybe what we ask for, we do not receive... What we are given is always what we need....

When the time is ready the answers are given to us in riddles. When the mind thinks too much on the signs, confusion will only cloud what is there in front of us.

The answers are always clear in the knowledge of nothing.

Things I cannot say....

My silence grows from the pain and longing of not being with that which I love. The one thing I have fallen so deeply in love with. I feel like a love has been silenced and I have lost control over why?

So many things distract from me, that my feelings of emptiness and attachment grow.

(non attachment is good, non attachment is good - repeat repeatedly!)

I do what I do and I retreat into a silence.....

Inside my heart, is a smile and a beat so big for what I have experienced.

Trying, but failing to stop wanting more of the unspoken beauty, the touch, the warmth and the tenderness of a kind embrace, and above all a place of belong....